If you haven’t heard of Tinder yet you are either living under a rock or a newborn. On the off chance that you have not heard of it I’ll let you know all about it.
Tinder is a dating, nay a sexy times app. There many people of all ages put half nude pictures on the app in the hopes of finding prince/princess charming. If that does not happen they then settle for a night of doing the boinking. All in all it can be a tiring experience.
However, in my spare time I made an account! I know, my sexiness can not be contained to one account but I tried. I put in my bio that I was purely looking for friendships. I had both men and women on my account and I had a large age range. I also wiped right on everyone!
I was going through swiping when I got my first match. It was a woman who was 55. She looked very pretty with hair from the 8o’s. Of course we started off our conversation of a Harry Potter pick up line. We connected wonderfully. We talked about her children and I talked about my Berry. It was going great until she asked me on a DATE! I had to explain to her that I truly was just looking for friends and I couldn’t commit to her on a romance level. I was sworn at in some curses that as old as I am I had never heard!
Friend number two was a man. He was 34 and had some self esteem issues. I started off this time with a lord of the rings pick up line. It was a hit! We talked about different movies and compared careers. Then I told him I wasn’t looking for a date and yes, my felt is my real face. He went off of on me! He yelled, said I was the reason that he was going to kill himself. He said I have no honor. It was a nightmare! He did give me his number before he blocked me though.
My final friend who I will talk about was a man whose picture was his butt and I had yet to see his face. He talked to me first. He quite frankly asked to see “your felt dick”. I was shocked go see how this conversation was going. I very firmly told him my boundaries. He called me a troll and a “pu**y”. Not a pleasant man.
The next day when I tried to get into my account I was not able to get in. I was KICKED OFF OF TINDER! I was so shocked! I had only on Tinder for a week and I was already kicked off. I was disappointed but honestly I learned something very important. Tinder will not find you the felty love you deserve!
Love you all!
Mark Oliver Wizard Goldstein